Compliments

(This picture doesn't really have anything to do with this blog post. I just really like pictures and a blog post without a picture is really kind of dry. So here is an unfiltered, unedited, unphotoshopped picture I took on my phone. I really like it and I thought you might as well.)

"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." -Thumper

Yes, we've all heard it. We've heard it said on the Disney Classic Bambi, even our mothers have told us. But do we take the opportunity say something nice when there is something nice to say?

I believe in complimenting. I compliment frequently. As often as I can. But I believe a compliment should also be genuine. If someone has a haircut that I don't think is flattering at all I won't tell them I think it makes them look fab. But I'll pick something else I think that is lovely. Their necklace, their shirt, their smile. People hear far too many bad things in the daily grind. My one compliment in passing is hardly going to give someone a big head. And if it so happens that I complimented a person with an ego problem then that is their problem, not mine. I can't tell you how many times I've been at a cash register and just a short little compliment to the cashier changed her whole countenance and she started smiling and enjoying the moment we shared. It's kind of a life commandment now. I will always say what I'm thinking as long as it is nice. Sometimes, because I'm an observant person, I'll think "my that shade of green eye shadow doesn't do anything for that woman." That is where I will keep the thought to myself and then find something that is flattering and compliment her. It's amazing to watch people smile after they've been complimented.

Part of the reason I have developed this personal creed is due to a story my mother read to me when I was about the age of 12. She is a Guideposts addict. But sometimes it works in my favor. The story she read to me was about a boy who went to summer camp. On the way to camp he became annoyed with his mother as most teenage boys do. Moms aren't cool when you are a teenager. As I recall he said that he hadn't been very nice to his mother and as his parents were heading home they said goodbye. The writer said an off-hand goodbye but as his parents turned to go he decided he would give his parents a proper send off and gave his mother a hug and thanked her for bringing him to camp and walked her to the car. His mother was killed in a car accident while he was at camp and he was so thankful that his last words to his mother weren't those of a snotty teen but of a loving son.

I remember deciding at the age of 19 that I didn't want to live with any regrets. Since then that desire had guided the decisions I've made in life. I look at something and try to decide "will I regret doing this?" Or "will I regret not doing this?" I saw the sadness in the eyes of the elderly as they shared their regrets in life and didn't want to be one of them. That mindset along with the story has stayed with me and has formed my life to this day. One never knows when they bid someone adieu if that will be the last time they ever see their loved one alive. I don't want to regret my last words to my family and friends...and so I always try to make my parting words those of kindness and love. Have I failed at this attempt? Absolutely. I do feel however, that the instances that I've said goodbye in a less than cheery mood have been considerably diminished by my desire to live a regret free life and keeping a healthy respect for the end of life it's self.

And so I compliment. If the last person who sees me alive is the lady at the grocery story I want her to have heard something nice from me.