Today when I was listening to my favorite radio station, Air 1, the DJ was talking about an article that was in the Washington Post. It said that men in particular should be honest with their spouse or girlfriend and tell her when she doesn't look good. The DJ asked what our thoughts were on the topic. I thought for a moment. What I concluded was that we as people need to completely divide fashion and beauty and treat them as polar opposites.
Fashion is fun. It is a way to express our style and I think honesty is really important no matter who you are. We as women value the opinion of a close girl friend because we know that she will always shoot straight with us. I've had a friend tell me I shouldn't wear one of my favorite scarves because it makes me look washed-out. I am thankful for this opinion because now I know not to wear it if I'm trying to look my best. Since it's one of my favorites I still wear it but I pick the occasion. I have to admit my feelings were hurt a bit because it was my favorite and I loved wearing it all the time because of what it meant to me but in the end I got over the hurt and was thankful for the honest opinion.
However, I don't have to rely on just the female opinions in my family. My dad and brothers have no qualms about telling me they don't think I look my best. My dad always complains when I straighten my hair because he likes it wavy. (But frizzy and curly are pretty much the same thing to my dad so some times I have to put up with the complaints because there is no way I'm going out of the house with frizzy hair.)
One time I asked my baby brother, who was 22 at the time, "do these pants make me look fat?" He didn't miss a beat and said "no the pants don't make you look fat your fat makes you look fat." Thankfully I was in a good place in those days regarding my self image and I laughed. My brothers are fairly fashionable rugged young men themselves so usually their opinion is valued. Sometimes when it comes to my brothers fashion opinion you have to take it with a grain of salt but I like that they don't say what they think I want to hear. And if they say "it's fine" I try not to read anything into it. To me fine means one step above ugly. To a guy "fine" may mean "it's all great." Try to get the people in your life to define what 'fine' means to them and then you can have an open conversation about how you feel when you've put 3 hours into looking nice and they say you look fine. Feelings are often hurt because you both have a different definition of the word.
Beauty is a completely different subject. My whole life I've heard my dad tell my mum how beautiful and gorgeous she is. I don't think a day has gone by in my lifetime when I didn't hear my dad tell my mum he thought she was amazing a beautiful. And it doesn't matter if she has her makeup and hot pants on or if she's in her barn clothes and has manure on her pants. He kisses her the same way no matter what she's wearing and says how blessed he is to get to share his life with such a beautiful woman. So that says to me that beauty is the thing that doesn't change. It's the thing inside that shows through the well quaffed hair and it shows through the weary sleep depraved raccoon eyes.
It has taken many a year for me to arrive at this conclusion but now that I'm here its well worth it. Beauty is the thing that makes people want to hang out with me when I just got off a night shift and forgot my makeup at home. It's the thing that invites someone to randomly send me a text just to say hello. It's the thing that stays the same and gives me value and worth whether I'm in my sweats or my party dress.
Well said!
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